MY MAN'S OTHER WOMAN By Chioma Nnani

This is probably going to spark a variety of reactions. I never know what post/article/book/feature will evoke what reaction. I cannot read people’s minds. And I have no desire whatsoever, to do so. I just notice human behaviour. Besides, reading minds is not a gift or fruit of the Holy Spirit. Like with some other ‘controversial’ posts, a fair number of people will read this and take it very personally. So, here goes.  Some women truly amaze and scare me. My gut reaction to some women has always been a cocktail of disgust, surprise, and a bit of trepidation. A lot of Nigerian ‘churches’ (yes, I just had to go there) are full of women who claim to be praying, yet are causing their own issues. Today, my grouse is about ‘the other woman’. The other woman that the special man in your life, calls “Mum”. This is not to excuse any weakling who’s been deluded into thinking that the presence of a penis makes him a man, yet is incapable of drawing boundaries. This is for those women are just as deluded, as the males in the afore-mentioned category. You met your boyfriend/fiancé/husband when he was in his late 20s/early 30s. He’s a decent man, and your brain doesn’t tell you that someone raised him? Of course, he goes to church and speaks in tongues, therefore he must have fallen from heaven. Bravo!  I remember writing on a social media forum a while back, a comment that nearly sparked war. Someone asked for ways to show you care about your husband. I said - on HIS birthday, send his mother a "thank you" card, especially if your husband is a good man. In the card, write all the nice qualities your husband has. If you can't send her a card, CALL her. The only reason a card makes sense, especially in this age of technology is that it is more personal. You will have to hand-write stuff, which she can refer to, whereas it can be easy for her to forget the things you say.  With some of the reactions, one would have assumed I’d said something blasphemous. A number of women genuinely didn’t see why they should. I'm very confused - a woman raised a good man who married you, and she should be ignored? When you see the number of mad men making life HELL for their wives, you automatically thank God for whoever raised the decent man you call your own. Chances are, it was a woman who nurtured him, cried when he was teething, kept vigil when he had a ‘mere fever', smacked him to teach him a real man doesn't hit women, sold her gold and clothes so that he could write his final year exams - because he passed those exams, he got that fantastic job which gave him the car that made you notice him! Yes, we know you fell in love with him because of his 'potential'; you saw his car, decent suit, plush office first. Let's be honest. What woman wants to suffer? Including his mother. Especially after she loved him first! And a card or call saying "thank you" on the anniversary of the day he was born, to say “I remember and celebrate what you did, even if I wasn’t there” is too much? Really???  I know some mothers-in-law can be ... Lord have mercy. But sometimes the woman is only reacting out of fear. Fear of "How will this university-trained girl treat me, since I live in the village?" or "Will this psychedelic woman be able to cook anything but burgers for my son?" or "When he does something wrong, will she belittle him like Nollywood productions tell her, is the appropriate thing to do?" or "Will she compare him to his age-mates or classmates?" Some say ATTACK is the best form of DEFENCE. Of course she's going to be apprehensive. Normal mothers don't compare their children (especially in their hearing), but there seems to be a special award going if you can break the heart of your boyfriend/fiancé/husband with insults if he's not able to afford a Brazilian weave.  For the record, if you’re a guy whose mother is still living in a rented apartment, yet your girlfriend has a Brazilian weave that you paid for; you are competing for the title of ‘king of fools’. And if you’re a female who thinks she’s safe when she’s dating/courting some guy who’s thrown away the mother who suffered for him, now he’s made some peanuts - your case is actually worse. You probably need new drugs because the ones you've ingested, aren't working properly. A fair number of mothers will invoke blessings (even if the woman is not born-again) even if it is £1 & a roll of lace her son bought for her. Some women will compare the husband to his boss who sends his wife to Dubai every month - you forget the fact that the same boss pummels his wife and is unfaithful to her, and the Dubai trips are her 'compensation'. But you won't help yourself. Instead, you go to some 'churches' where they tell you that the fact that she likes egusi, and you like okro - means she's a witch. As if you don't have a mother yourself! Go to the home of that 'prayer warrior' and see how they treat their own mothers and mothers-in-law! Some women need to spend more time LOVING and they will find they spend less time practising witchcraft (the ones they do and call 'prayer').  Yes, I know your defence is “The Bible says a man should leave and cleave”. So, let me reiterate that I am not congratulating those males who let their mums run their (the son’s) marital homes. This is not also for those women who have made it their mission in life to terrorise any young woman who so much as breathes near their precious son, or brother. There is no perfect woman. Even a woman who genuinely loves your son (or brother, in some cases) WILL make mistakes. And you will not marry your son, or brother - so biko, backpedal a bit. Don’t crucify her just because her fried rice is a bit whiter than the one you make. Your son won’t die if he eats a bit more pepper than you use - unless of course, he suffers allergies, ulcer, or another pre-existing medical condition; which she obviously would not have known about. She wants to marry the guy, why would she want to kill him? It is not the end of the world, and there are more serious issues in life. Of course, her yam porridge (or is it pottage?) is not of the same consistency as yours - ‘just the way he likes it’. She’s been in his life five minutes; you’ve been there at least 25 years - what do you expect? But I don’t understand what Bible some women are reading from. You’re not the champion you believe you are, amongst your evil friends because you regale them with tales of your misdemeanours, felonies, and crimes towards your mother-in-law.  Don’t get me wrong; I didn’t even grow up, believing in marriage. My paternal grandmother was a very complex woman. But why would I punish another woman for the sins of my grandmother? I never prayed that my mother-in-law would die before I met her. Yes, some ‘born-again women’ pray such wicked prayers. But they don't want their own mothers to die! I didn't start believing in marriage or that it was something I could want for myself, till much later. I wasn’t one of those girls who planned their weddings by the time they were 16 or whatever the age is supposed to be. I still don't believe marriage is for everyone, but then I digress. From the moment I decided marriage COULD be for me, I started praying for my mother-in-law. That she would love and cherish me. Bear in mind I said "COULD be", so I wasn't even definitely sure that it was for me. Why would I pray for her to die, when I don't want my own mother to die? I have a brother and if I knew his future wife/intended was praying for my mother to die because she's afraid that a woman she doesn't even know, will maltreat her; I'd do whatever is necessary, to make sure he doesn't marry her. You haven’t entered the house, and you’re making such diabolical pronouncements. What will you do if you do enter the house, and get your feet under the table? Probably poison her, then go to your ‘church’ and claim god has given you a cause to testify. No, I'm not a bad sister-in-law; I don’t know any sane woman who wouldn’t do the same thing! Treat your mother-in-law the way you would want your own mother to be treated by her daughter-in-law. There might be less need for 'prayers'.  U can read her othe articles on chiomannani.blogspot.com

ASUU Strike Update:We don't have money to pay them-finance minister

On Tuesday, the meeting between striking university lecturers and the federal government was not fruitfull and ASUU has vowed not to call off the seven weeks old strike until the government implements the 2009 agreement it had with the lecturers, while the government said it wants some part of the agreement renegotiated. Meanwhile, The meeting was attended for the first time by the Minister of Finance, Ngozi And she said that; the government has no resources to meet the union demands. In her statement:" At present, ASUU wants government to pay N92 billion in extra allowances when the resources are not there and when we are working to integrate past increases in pensions.  The country is still suffering from the effect of the 2010 increase in salary. Do we want to get to a stage in this country that all the money we earn is used to pay salaries and allowances?  We need to make choices in this country as we are getting to the stage where recurrent expenditures take the bulk of our resources and people get paid but can do no work. She futher stated that: if the demands of the university lecturers are met and “we continue to pay them salaries and allowances we will not be able to provide. infrastructure in the universities.” Meanwhile, the next round of negotiation will continue on Monday. Let's pray that this issues would be resolved once and for all,so that the affected students can go back to school,this is so not cool......Haba!!! Federal Government Do something na,even if na small, at all at all na him bad pass.ejor, bikonu,dan Allah!

Shekau dares Obama!

Despite being declared a global terrorist and a $7million reward placed on him by the United States (US), Boko Haram leader Abubakar Shekau is still talking tough. And this is coming after in yet another bizarre occurrence, suspected members of the violent Islamic sect, Boko Haram gunned down 44 people praying in a mosque in Borno State last Sunday. In a new video obtained by Agence France Presse (AFP), Shekau dared US President Barack Obama, French President Francois Hollande and Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu to come for him, saying: “They are no match for me.” Speaking in Hausa language, Shekau said: You soldiers have claimed that you are powerful, that we have been defeated, that we are mad people. But how can a mad man successfully coordinate recent attacks in Gamboru, in Malam Fatori, slaughter people in Biu, kill in Gwoza and in Bama, where soldiers fled under our heavy fire power?   We have killed countless soldiers and we are going to kill more. We can now comfortably confront the United States of America.You have not killed Shekau. I’m challenging Obama,” Shekau continued in the video. He also voiced similar challenges to French President Francois Hollande and Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu. “They are no match for me,” he proclaimed.

Femi Fani Kayode claims Bianca Ojukwu was once his girlfriend

 yesterday evening while trying to clear any misunderstanding that has come up after his article defending Lagos State's deportation of Igbos from Lagos State, former minister Femi Fani-Kayode made some startling revelation. He actually listed the names of some powerful Igbo ladies he's slept with. Is that cool? Femi had written: Those that call me a tribalist and an Igbo-hater are simply misguided and ignorant. Perhaps they do not know the meaning of those words or the true import of their meaning.  I was not a tribalist when I had a long-standing and intimate relationship with Miss Bianca Onoh, an Igbo lady, who later married Colonel Emeka Odumegwu-Ojukwu the leader of Biafra and who is now our Ambassador in Spain.   I was not a tribalist when I had a long-standing and intimate relationship with Miss Chioma Anasoh, another Igbo lady, who I almost married. I was not a tribalist when I had a long-standing and intimate relationship with Miss Adaobi Uchegbu, another Igbo lady, who was exceptionally close to me and who is now a leading figure at the National Headquarters of the ruling PDP.   If only they knew their own history, where they are coming from, what they used to be and where they were 100 years ago and what their forefathers did to the rest of Nigeria over the last 80 years they would know why they have always had such a hard time in this country.   Sadly because they dont know any of these things they cannot learn from it. And if they cannot learn from it they will continue to make the same mistakes. That is why they can come to another mans land and territory and call it their own and when we say ”no” they tell us to shut up and call us tribalists. Sure enough, some Nigerians took to Twitter to attack him for the name calling. Meanwhile, former Minister of Education, Oby Ezekwesili, has called on the government to arrest Femi Fani-Kayode, over his articles.....like seriously? Do you think his statement was appropriate?

BEFORE I WRITE A BOOK - Basketmouth

Comedian Basketmouth will share short stories about his experience with people while growing in the Nigerian entertainment industry in a series called 'Before I Write a Book.' He plans to write a book eventually so this is a pre-entry to that project, thus, the title. Below is the first story he shares Back stage at the Rothmans Groove tour which held @ TBS in 1998, there I was seated with the likes of The Plantashun Boiz,Dr. Fresh,Remedies and more...I was just a young boy trying to weigh his options on what direction to go with his career as drumming,rapping,producing and comedy were few of my options. That night was the 1st time I met Tony Tetuila, one of those humble guys you come by,he was warm and accommodating considering the obvious fact that I was nobody in the industry. Fast forward a few months later, Comedy had won me over and in the course of my hustle and journey to where I'm yet to get to, I bumped into Tetuila in Festac, just about the time his single 'you don hit my car' came out. We reconnected while playing catch up. We had common friends so 'bumping' into each other became a tradition. The 1st time he saw me perform @ a concert was at a gig The Plantashun Boiz used to host @ the Den in Ikeja. I must have impressed him because not long after that night, I got a call from him asking that we meet up. We did and he took me for a meeting in Lagos Island (Shell Office). A director at Shell was retiring and a send-forth party was being held in his honour. My performance fee then was N10,000, Tony pushed it up and convinced the client to pay N30,000 which they paid cash. Prior to this, they had never heard of me and only used me because Tony believed in me and stood up for me, convincing them to buy in. I was paid in full a week to the show. After picking up the cash I went straight home. Now here I was, a young comic with his 1st major pay-out of N30,000. Considering the fact that my 1st performance fee was N300 (1%) of what I had in my pocket,I couldn't help but to thank God. I got home,gave my mum N25,000 and kept N5,000 from which I bought a shirt,pants and shoes from Tejuosho market to wear for the event. Ready for my first big show..

when things go bad,is Suicide the answer?

Read where a Nigerian actress supposedly attempted suicide, and I’ve been wondering what could have led to such abominable act. What surprises me is that this actress seems so happy with herself, with her job and does not give a damn about ‘dem’ haters-simply put she was full of life. I was ‘kinda’ bewildered when I read that she tried to take her own life, thanks to her friends who were not really far away; we would have been thrown into mourning-again. I still haven’t gotten over Goldie’s demise. Though she regretted the act and has posted on her on her instagram page saying that “suicide is for COWARDS” This kind of took back memory lane when I actually wanted taking my life- from drinking of dettol, taking insecticide and even tried ending it on a rope, you know, tying a rope on the ceiling fan and then you have the other end on your neck (thank goodness the rope wasn’t that strong) , remembering it now just shows how stupid I/it was as well as the reason that led to it then. I know we’ve heard/read about suicide stories and all, so I am asking is suicide really the answer to a problem regardless of how big it is, does suicide end the chances of life getting worse? My take on this, is: suicide can never and has never be a solution to any problem, if anything it eliminates the possibility of life getting any better. Yes!!! It may seem over when the person is gone, what of your loved ones that you left behind? They would have a lot of questions begging for answers, and how sure are you that where you would go after then would be any better? Whatever it is you’re going through, have it in mind that is just a phase, it would pass and as long as there is life, there is hope. Life is too precious to be wasted, don’t play God by trying to end it all. So……..have you been there, is suicide a solution to any problem? Share it, lets learn……………………